Do you ever get a chance to see your family member in your child's mannerisms? I have been blessed to say yes. My grandmother doted on my oldest daughter. She could not stand if I expected her to walk somewhere at 3. She made sure she was given whatever she wanted to eat. She didn't like her to be disciplined much. She would always try to change her focus with a silly sound when there was a chance she would cry. Such fond memories of a quite quirky lady. She would also carry any leftovers from a restaurant home with her. She collected coins. She would buy extra of something to stash away for a future gift. She would often sleep on the floor. She ALWAYS had a plethora of food in case someone was hungry. She loved to sit and watch people at the mall. She could also be generous and manipulative all at the same time. She is with Jesus now but I see her everyday in my youngest daughter. Oh how I loved her!
You see my youngest daughter is quite quirky as well. She collects coins, rocks, acorns and other tiny objects. She will bring home food from a restaurant to eat later. She has her own "style" of clothes, that it what ever is comfortable at the moment. She is manipulative at times. She is a sweet girl that loves to give kisses. She is also, as I am learning, on the spectrum.
Recently I had a talk with a friend of a friend about how my daughter thinks most clothes are uncomfortable. She said "That's real, clothes can hurt some kids". WHAT? Are you joking? That's crazy! Really? You mean she could really be hurting? She is not just trying to manipulate me? Whew, she is not out to get me. Oh no, what a terrible mom I am. In a matter of milliseconds, I went from "HA!" to humble. Really Lord could it be that she can't help it? Could she just be wired differently? Oh the horror of disciplining a child that did not willfully disobey.
And so... I have spent the last 2 months in observation mode mostly. Watching. Learning. Seeing. What makes her come to a halt? What makes her come unglued? What makes for an easy day? What makes a day difficult? When is she happiest? When is she easy?
Most of the answers, I did not like. Most of the time, it was ME! If I was procrastinating like I usually do, then trying to rush out the door...unglued. If I was a bit hormonal and resistant...a fit. If I was irritated...uncomfortable. Was I the problem? No. My reaction was the biggest problem. She was just herself. Do you see it? God made her the way she is and I was pushing her buttons and making that which irritated me most to come out.
She is quirky... or has spectrum issues. Depends on how you look at it. No wonder 1 in 110 are being diagnosed as Autistic. Some are just quirky too. Some are severe cases. But really the main idea with a spectrum child is the same...change your behavior to minimize the blowups, learn the best way to teach them what they need, and accept them, just as God made them. *Now I don't know if Autism is always natural, but I do know God is in control. He knows if they will be on the spectrum or not, and regardless He had a plan for my life by giving me this child.*
I can see so much of my grandmother's quirkiness in her. I like it. I hope I learn more and am able to help her move past these hurdles. I hope she will be someone else's quirky grandmother someday. For now, she is my gift from God. A gift I have yet to finish opening, but one I know will change me.
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