If at 2am you are awakened...

know that there is a court hearing in an Eastern European country involving a little Down Syndrome girl and her family.
All before the same judge that thought so little of a Down Syndrome child, she denied Kirill his family. So if you are awake and even before you sleep tonight, pray for these children to have families. Pray for a change in the heart of this judge. Pray that this mountain would fall into the sea. Pray, because for these families, that is their child. Pray as if it were your child unable to come home with you, unable to be with his mommy and daddy because one person saw them as "not socially adaptable" due to his "medical condition". Pray because God can do the impossible!

If you don't know Kirill's story click here.

Praising Jesus for all that I know he will do here. Waiting for the Sonshine,

Shattered Dreams

that is how I feel these days... I had HUGE hopes of taking an orphan into our home and loving them as our own...crash. I was reclaiming my temple and was fighting to reshape it to a more glorious place for Jesus... fail. I thought that the ability to pay off some bills with tax money would signal a year without struggle... crash. I thought that not having a "little" in the house was a calling to another place and mission work... splat. Do you hear those shattered dreams? Oh you bet I did!

I have mourned the child I will not get to rescue from a painful life of not being truly loved. I have mourned the adventure of seeing God move among a group I do not know. I have mourned the calm, easier year we were to have. I have mourned the time at the Y.

"What is it that has shattered your dreams?" you ask? Pregnancy. I know it's a child and once it is here, I will not know what life is like now. But it has been a 10 ton boulder in my world. I am not over the mourning yet, I do not want to have the "clap, clap, it's a baby, let's dream" party yet.

I feel like a deflated balloon everyday around 5pm. I have to add strep to the mix now and realize that part of my nausea is that too but right now I just feel bad. Sick and Ick... I can't function in my own home. I can't wash dishes because my sink smells like day old dishes (or three days by now). I can't enjoy the sun because there is mud all over my children and it stinks. I can't hang out in the house and feel ok because the dog stinks, the laundry stinks (yes clean and dirty), the cat stinks from being outside... I can't puke and feel better because the bathroom is dirty and stinky and the thought of cleaning it makes me more nauseous. I feel like screaming at God and saying IT ALL STINKS!

Read carefully... I am not upset by the fact that I am pregnant, I am upset by the fact that it changes everything. Can you see it? I will rejoice in the gift in my womb soon, but right now I am in an icky, pity party. I feel terrible and really want to get over this stage asap!

Just pray for me, send me hints for morning sickness, and love me. I am not ready to dream again just yet...

Hi Blog

Hi blog, how are you?
I know I haven't been around lately... I really want to talk to you but... well see I have this great desire to do something, something I know God has a heart for but He has not said I could pursue it right now.
It is so hard to know that it is something God would want, He just doesn't want it for me and my family right now.
He has done a lot during the MONTHS I have been dreaming. He has called me closer to Himself. He has given me power to get healthier. He has called me out on some of my attitudes. He has given me more energy. He has also not quenched this dream I have, in fact I think He has strengthened it, while at the same time saying wait.
See sometimes you have ideas when you are a child... like the huge wedding you would have, or the nice house you would live in, or the kind of city you would settle down in. Well, those were not my dreams, mine were different.
Maybe soon He will let us move forward with my great desire, but until then, I dream, I pray, and I wait...On Him.